The Misfortunes of Logan
by Iris Musicia
Summary: Self-explanatory title.  Mentions of Kurtty, Loro, Jott, Revan  default.  Suggestions welcome!  K-plus for language.
1. Food Fight

**Disclaimer: I don't own, except plot.**

**A/N: I'm writing this whole entire story in one go so that you don't have to wait for me to write to update, it just depends on your reviews. I know not very many people read my stories, so I don't expect much. I got some of this idea from a book my sister showed me called **_**Gender Blender**_** by God-knows-who-I-forgot-their-name. It's meant to be funny, but *sigh* we'll see how this turns out, eh?**

The mansion was nice and quiet after a Danger Room session. That was, until the shouts of anger from a certain German and a certain Jew ripped through the air.

"You couldn't walk _three steps_ in my shoes!" Kitty shouted. "All you care about is your stupid egotistical guy world, and can't be bothered to help me in the DR!"

"Oh yeah? _You_ try being blue and fuzzy and foreign, and dealing with _three_ drones and Rogue!" Kurt countered.

"You don't have to deal with being objectified by a _jackass_ boyfriend!" Kitty screamed, dropping the DR.

"Me? _Me?_ Jackass boyfriend? No no no, Keety, zat's _Lance_, zat asshole. I don't objectify you." Kurt said loudly.

"_Uh-huh!_ I won't even _start!_ But face it—if you tried a _day_ as a girl, you'd be _begging_ for mercy on hands and knees by the end."

"So you're saying you vant to be a guy?"

"I never said that!"

"You _implied_ it."

"Stop picking out technicalities, Wagner! You're too _insensitive_ to be a girl!"

"_Break it UP!_" Scott bellowed, shoving the two apart as they continued to screech insults at each other. "You two sound like girls in a bitch-fight."

"Way to be sexist!" Jean said snidely from behind Scott, who rounded on the redhead.

"_You_ want to get into the sexist argument?" He said lowly.

"Hell yes, you _sexist pig_, I can't begin to count the number of times you've discriminated against girls." Jean said, eyes narrowed. Behind Scott's turned back, Kitty and Kurt resumed their loud fight with more venom.

"Bee-atch!" Kurt hollered, jibing at an American (Texan) accent.

"Mahn-beetch!" Kitty screeched with a cruel imitation of Kurt's accent.

"Vot ze _hell?.!_" Kurt looked dumbfounded. Kitty stuck her tongue out at Kurt.

"I said, _man-bitch_! That's right, you _MAN-BITCH! I CALLED YOU A MAN-BITCH!"_ Kitty screeched at the top of her lungs.

Kurt flailed his arms around angrily, stomping his foot like a petulant child. He growled and screeched and jumped around and cussed in a thoroughly infantile display. Kitty's face went blank with shock, then she burst out laughing, much to the enraged Elf's rage, fueling his bonfire so he teleported around, continuing his infantile display around Scott and Jean, dueling with words, until Rogue broke in.

"Yer actin' lahke a _royal mayn-beeotch!_" She yelled at her brother. His cusses became incoherent (and German, they suspected) and he started crying in anger and frustration.

"Stop beating up on my best friend!" Evan yelled, pushing in between Rogue and Kurt angrily, receiving a leaf of lettuce to the side of the head. "Okay," he said calmly, "_WHAT THE HELL?.!_"

"If it helps, I vos aiming for zat souzern redneck." Kurt growled, getting over his infantile-ness.

"_No,_ it does _not_ help." Evan ground out between clenched teeth.

"Food fight!" somebody screamed, and the salad Ororo had been preparing before the teens had driven her out of the kitchen went to hell in a handbasket.

Kitty received a face of raw carrot slices, which she picked up and flung in the general direction of Scott. Kurt had snatched two heads of lettuce, cackling demonically, and retreated under the table, and was currently grinding it into a paste and smearing it like war paint under his eyes. Jean flung a cutting board full of onions at Scott, who ducked, and they hit Rogue in the face, making her burst into tears.

Evan opened a jar of peanut butter and was chucking handfuls of it around. A splat hit Kitty in the back and she screamed and threw a carving knife in his direction, which he ducked desperately, throwing the whole jar at her, hitting her in the chest and making her keel over in pain. Evan punched the air right as a loaf of bread hit him in the jewels, courtesy of a cackling Kurt, leaping around on the ceiling painted with lettuce paste, looking demented and leaving footprints all over the white surface.

"_No dirty shots!_" Evan squeaked.

Kurt crowed with laughter and taunted him. "Hee hee hee! Or as you say in America, _neener neener neener!_"

"Nobody says that!" Evan said, voice painfully high. Kitty, upon realizing her ultimate target was on the ceiling, began throwing things with all her might at the roof, leaving dents and splotches, landing a partially spoiled apricot on Kurt's butt. He shouted in surprise and fell off the roof.

"_Neener neener neener!_" Kitty screeched at the elf, narrowly missing a facefull of lettuce paste that splatted on Rogue's thigh. Diving into the fridge, Rogue rapid-fired diced pickles at anything in her line of sight, and upon running out of pickles, threw the juice.

"Children, stop!" Ororo shouted desperately, materializing in the doorway at the commotion, then got a jar of pickle juice all down her front. "_Aaargh!_" She shrieked, disappearing from the doorway.

Jean was using a baguette like a spear, jabbing Scott in a pressure point then ramming a handful of chickpeas up under his shades. He screamed and clawed at his eyes, grabbing a fistful of random food mush from the floor and flinging it up at Jean, hitting her in the stomach and abdomen. Crap reigned supreme, flying through the air and coating every available surface. The six teens were walking, screeching, raging food monsters, covered in mushes and pastes and clumps of any mildly edible thing within two seconds' reach.

Suddenly, a slimy, two-foot-long, scaly (genetically modified gargantu-sized) herring made its monstrous debut from the bowels of the fridge, clutched by the tail in Kitty's vengeful fist, destination: Kurt. As soon as the blue boy appeared out from under the table (looking for all hell like a monkey in a tribal war) to fire off another round of lettuce mush and collect more ammo, Kitty swung.

_WHAP!_

_WHAP WHAP!_

_WHAP WHAP WHAPWHAPWHAP!_

Kurt screamed at the fishy attack as the herring smashed across his face and any reachable part of his body, mostly his face.

"Ruaargh!" he bellowed, ripping leaves off and pelting them at Kitty, who continued to beat him with the dead fish. More ammo in the form of sliced bell peppers landed on Kurt, who eagerly launched them at Kitty's face. Rogue leaped at Evan, sitting on his shoulders as he staggered around and pitched handfuls of cheese at her, hands holding what looked like lentil soup from six months ago, flecked with purple mold. She smeared the rotten soup all over his face and bailed into a pile of soft oozing fruits, howling with her achievement as Evan screamed like a little girl in horror and disgust.

Three-day-old pizza plastered Jean as she hobbled by, Scott clinging to her ankles and shoving kiwi mash down her shoes. Evan lobbed milk into the mass of food, splattering everybody and turning the kitchen into a swamp of food that was truly puke-worthy. Kitty raised the now-blue-furry-herring with trembling arms as Kurt cowered, defiantly flicking chips at Kitty's shins, and brought it down on Kurt's head.

"_WHAT THE HELL?.!_" Logan bellowed at the top of his lungs, having no effect on the teens, who continued to hurl food at each other. Suddenly, the herring spiraled through the air, flipping towards Logan's face. Everyone froze as it landed with a _smack_ on his face and stuck.

You could have heard a pin drop as it inched down his face so his furious eyes appeared around the tail. "Why the _hell_ is this herring hairy?" he growled.

"Filled viz omega-zree and good for your heart." A badly-disguised German voice with no visible body (retreated under the table) said softly. Logan growled.

"_Who threw this?_" he asked rhetorically. A quiet _bamf_ answered his question. "Rec. Room. Now." He ground out, pointing out the door and watching the food-covered teens troop past with hung heads.

Logan ripped the freakishly large, hairy herring off his face irately and rounded on Ororo, shaking the fish like incriminating evidence in a life-or-death religious case. "Why?"

Ororo's eyes widened and shoulders shrugged in the "I don't know" gesture. Logan stormed upstairs like an avenging, fish-smelling . . . wolverine, I guess, because he really couldn't be described as an avenging fish-smelling angel, now could he? Oh whatever . . .

He walked in to the teens sitting on the couch, Kurt crouched on the back. "Why are you on the couch? You're filthy! Floor! Now!" He barked. They slid onto their butts on the floor. Kurt jumped down and hissed at Kitty before plunking down next to Scott.

"Never, in all my years have I seen such _atrocious_ behavior from you. And you think you're mature." He snorted. "So here's the question: why? Rogue, why?"

"Why?" Rogue repeated.

"Yes, why." Logan ground out.

"Kurt called meh a redneck, then somebahdy said "food faght," so I started throwin' stuff." She said.

Logan narrowed his eyes. "Kitty, why?"

"Kurt was being a man-bitch," she started, then was cut off by a high-pitched ear-splitting wail from the lettuce-paste monkey, threatening to devolve to infantile-ness again. "And he was fighting with me, and then he threw the lettuce at Rogue and I yelled "food fight" and . . . yeah."

"So _you_ started the fight . . . Jean, why?" Logan growled.

"Kurt and Kitty were fighting and Kitty called him a man-bitch, which really set him off, then Scott broke it up but he was being really sexist so I called him on it and we started fighting and Kurt threw the lettuce and Kitty yelled "food fight" and I started throwing onions." Jean said quickly. Logan sighed and rubbed his temples. The only upside was that they were scared silly, into telling the truth.

"Scott, why?"

"I broke up Kurt and Kitty's fight and all of a sudden Jean said "way to be sexist" so I talked to her—"

"Talked? You were shouting!" Jean said angrily. Logan stuck out his claws and all the teens fell silent again.

" . . . So I talked to her and then the food fight started." Scott finished after Logan nodded to him.

"Evan, why?"

"I broke up Kurt and Rogue fighting and he threw lettuce and it hit me and then the food fight broke out." Evan said.

Logan steeled himself before turning to the tribal-painted maniacal blue monkey at the end of the row, licking banana off his tail. "Kurt, why?"

"Keety called me . . ." he trailed off into German, then resurfaced in English, " . . . so I zrew ze lettuce at Rogue for being a redneck and zen ze food fight st—mmm," he got distracted as he found a bit of chocolate on his knee and licked that off. Logan smacked his palm to his forehead.

"Why, God, why?" he questioned quietly, looking up at the ceiling. "Okay, all of you go get cleaned up. I'll think up a decent punishment."

The teens trooped off, heads hanging again, and minutes later, Logan heard all the showers running. Hopefully the girls weren't stupid enough to try to save their clothes. It was the garbage for them. Turning to Ororo again, he sighed heavily and waved the herring through the air.

"Honestly, I have no idea what drives these kids, especially Kurt. He acts like a—a—a . . . wild animal sometimes." Logan said.

"Then you should have a pretty good idea of what he feels like." Ororo said levelly. Logan sighed at her logic. "I need to get this pickle juice off me." She disappeared upstairs. Logan threw the herring in the trash can in the garage and went and scrubbed his face of Kurt's fur and herring juice, his brain storming around punishments for the kids. Waxing the X-Jet? Too lax. Community service? Too bland. Starving them for a few good days? Somebody would call child services. Having them face an army of spiders? Too bizarre.

Suddenly, he got a great idea. Have Chuck show them what it's like. A day in the shoes of their partner, just so this whole sexist/man-bitch problem would be solved _forever_. Well, not forever forever, but for the entire foreseeable future.

Brilliant.

**So I've kinda said "scruu the writing the whole thing idea" and just really want to post this chapter and see what you all think. Suggestions for good Logan-torture are welcome, though no spiders. Red Witch already got that with **_**Logan the Spider Slayer **_**(highly recommended read). Happy reading, and see you guys soon.**


	2. Gender Bender

**Thank you few for reviewing so nicely! I know Kurt was majorly OOC, as was Kitty, but I made it that way to be funnier. The story'll focus on the teens more than Logan for this (and maybe the next) chapter, but it'll still be funny (I hope) *prays desperately*. **

**Mind you, this is with the X-Men gender bended. So:**

**Kurt switches with Kitty**

**Scott switches with Jean**

**Evan switches with Rogue**

**Hoping and praying for funniness!**

The day after the X-Men's food fight, they were once again shame-facedly in the rec. room, though this time afforded the luxury of the couch for their lecture. Logan paced in front of them, looking horribly like a Nazi general, as he thought up his plan of attack. Abruptly, he stopped and turned to them.

"I spent a lot of time thinking up a good punishment for you . . . things." Logan started, voice growly. "And I have a feeling you're going to just _love_ me afterwards. It'll only last a week, but it should be enough to _eradicate_ any sexism or man-bitch problems you things have."

There were confused muttering between the teens, then the Professor rolled in.

"I need Scott and Jean to come with me." He said, and Scott and Jean stood, glaring at each other, and followed the Professor.

"Y'all'd better _not_ move a _muscle_." Logan snapped, following the three out of the room. Rogue, Evan, Kitty, and Kurt exchanged nervous glances, but stayed silent. By picking off the strongest first, they'd instilled fear in the young ones. Down the hall, there was hoarse shouting and muffled screaming. Kitty's eyes widened and she curled into a ball.

Moments later, Scott and Jean staggered back in, gripped on the arms by Logan, followed by the Professor. Scott was shaking his head and Jean was stomping and looking limp and angry yet shocked and scared, blinking hard every few seconds.

"Kitty, Kurt." The Professor said quietly. Kitty shook her head and scrunched herself up tighter, if humanly possible. Logan hauled her off the couch. When Kurt resisted, Logan pulled him down the hall by his tail, much to his loud protests.

"What did they do to you?" Evan asked quietly to Scott. Scott shook his head. He tried to talk, but sounded like he was choking and his voice broke several times.

Down the hall, there were equally high shrieks, announcing Kurt and Kitty to return. Kitty was slouching oddly, and Kurt was walking like he was strapped to a board, tail dragging oddly on the ground. Kitty was twitching.

"Evan and Rogue, please." The Professor requested, as if he were picking out cupcakes at the bakery. Rogue nervously messed with the cuffs of her gloves as she followed Logan and the Professor and Evan in a resigned sort of way.

It was quiet for several moments, then there was loud cursing. "Logan needs to keep a lid on his foul mouth." Scott said oddly, in a prim sort of voice. Suddenly, over the cursing, Logan's voice rose.

"Keep your gloves on, Stripes!"

"That's not Evan." Kitty said in a strangled way.

"_The Professor?_" they chimed, shocked.

Rogue and Evan returned, looking normal-ish, though Rogue looked not at all afraid of touching things, whereas Evan looked dumb, shrinking away from people when they got near him. The Professor looked murderous, wheeling into a corner and glaring at the students as Logan addressed them again. **[1]**

"By now you all understand your punishment. This will last for a week," he raised his voice over their loud protests about unfairness, "and you'll _live with it!_ You brought this on yourselves, and _yes_, you're going to school, you nitwits! You're not getting out of school for this. And if this doesn't solve the sexism arguments, _nothing will_."

"A veek? Can't it be, like, zree days or somezink?" Kurt asked, suddenly clapping a hand over his mouth. "God, he really _can't_ say tee-aytch sounds . . ." he said, sounding amazed.

"No, it will be a week, _Kurt_. Anybody else want to argue?" Logan said, emphasizing Kurt's name. Kurt looked like he was about to protest, but didn't.

"I think it's unfair to treat us this way for a whole week, Mr. Logan. I agree with Ki—Kurt, three days would be fine, teach us a good lesson." Scott spoke up.

"For that, DR. Now." Logan said. "Explore your new bodies."

"Eew, you, like, sound like our Healz teacher!" Kurt squealed in a thoroughly un-Kurt-ish way. Kitty gave him a scathing look.

"You're killing my reputation, Kitty." She said, then looked pleased with herself. "God, I can actually say Kitty! Kitty Kitty Kitty . . . three was something with . . ." she trailed off, looking thoroughly happy with her pronunciation of the tee-aytch and double-you sounds.

"Suit up!" Logan barked. They hurried out the door, tripping on extra appendages or impaired vision or huge feet.

Kitty, Jean, and Rogue headed uncertainly towards the girls' changing room, whereas Kurt, Scott, and Evan trooped right into the boys' changing rooms.

"If you need help with bodies, you know where we are." Scott said.

"Ditto." Jean said.

The girls were the first to encounter trouble "with bodies".

"How tha hell . . . ? Ugh, Gawd, this is _too_ weird." Rogue groaned, trying to unclasp her bra, clawing at her back awkwardly. Kitty laughed at her plight, and Jean came to help.

"Okay, that's _really_ awkward." Jean said, backing away from Rogue and shaking her hands like she'd just touched anthrax or smallpox.

Rogue reached up and grabbed her uniform, then turned around to put it on. "Jesus, they _bounce_!" she cried in surprise. Kitty's laughter doubled. "Yer lucky, you have small ones. How the hell am I supposed to fight with these _things_ on my chest! I'm seriously starting t' appreciate how girls always stand up straight."

In the boys' changing room, though, they boys were faring better, but not by much.

"Eeeyaaagh!" Kurt yelped, looking thoroughly disgusted with himself, stepping on his tail as he tried to back up. "Jesus Christ! How does he deal?.!" He cried exasperatedly.

Evan was quiet as he suited up, a spike accidentally popping out of his arm. His eyes bugged and he ran into the bathroom. They heard the sounds of dry retching, and he came back looking wan and pale under his dark skin. Scott suddenly stomped his foot.

"I hate not having telekinesis!" he cried. Kurt was still wrestling his body as it contorted oddly.

"_SOMEBODY GET KURT!_" he shouted, smacking his tail down onto the bench and yelping with pain. Scott obliged, popping into the girls' room. He walked in as Jean was still suiting up.

Jean looked mildly surprised and turned away.

"Come _on_, Scott, it's my body. You don't have to hide it from me." Scott sighed exasperatedly. "Kurt, we need you. Minor emergency." Scott said, then there was a frustrated howl from the open door, followed by cursing. "Scratch that, major emergency."

Kitty jumped up and followed Scott back into the changing room where Kurt was looking incredibly pained (mentally) as he wrapped himself around a locker. Kitty fought the urge to laugh/rescue his body from Kitty's maniacal mind.

"Relax!" she barked. Kurt unwound himself from the door and slithered down onto the bench, looking up at Kitty in a defeated way.

"I've got a dead snake hanging off my butt. Help." He said very plainly. Kitty frowned.

"Learn to use it. I would say "or lose it", but I do want it back. How do you function _without_ a tail?" she demanded, turning to look at her own butt. "Or not being able to move at all?"

"Okay, look, just because you're Mr. Rubber Band and now you're stuck in a _normal_ body doesn't mean you have to insult it." Kurt growled.

"Just stretch and learn how far you can go. Try moving m—your," Kitty ground out, looking confused, "tail. Keep relaxed, and to teleport, concentrate on the place and just let it _go_. It feels like a hiccup."

"Ohh-kay," Kurt said doubtfully.

"Move, ladies!" Logan shouted, storming in and making them jump. Kitty turned around, looking angry.

"I'm not a lady!" she shouted at Logan.

"Oh, yes you are, _Kitty_." He smirked and left.

"God, I hate that sadistic man." She growled and slouched out the door. Kurt stood slowly and walked—inched would be a better word—towards the door, tail snaking around in huge arcs, trying to imitate the way it had moved when Kurt inhabited the body.

Evan and Scott followed more easily, looking reluctant and somewhat scared.

"Here goes nothing. Keep stuff away from your crotch. It's okay to be hit in the chest, it won't hurt. Use everything you've got, and for God's sake, keep stuff from hitting their chests, I'll wince every time something hits them." Scott muttered to the other boys, who nodded.

XXX

After an agonizing run on a baby-level (the agonizing part was having their arses whooped by the baby-level), the six cleaned up and retreated to Kurt's room, it being the biggest. They sat on the bed and floor and chairs (Kitty grumbling about not being able to hang from the chandelier, urging Kurt ((much to his horror, he didn't trust his tail)) to do so) and plotted revenge.

"This man must be tortured." Scott declared. There was a unanimous head-nodding. "But how?"

"Practical jokes!" Kitty yelped. "Hair on his toothbrush, rocks and hairbrushes in his bed, alarm set impossibly to go off every five minutes . . ."

"Switch him into Kurt's body," Kurt muttered as his tail smacked him in the face and he growled at it. It continued to twitch defiantly.

"Switch him with Ororo!" Rogue said. **[2]**

"No, no collateral damage. Plus the Prof wouldn't be in to this." Jean said, chin in hands.

"Disable his powers and give him some really bizarre power, like being able to arrange flowers that come out of his knuckles instead of claws?" Kitty suggested.

"No surgery." Jean said dismissively. Kitty looked sad.

Suddenly, Kurt got a beautiful brainwave. "Drag qveen!"

"What?" the chorus was aimed at him.

"Turn Logan into a drag qveen, against his vill. Jean, telepazically make him sleep, and I'll give him hair extensions, ve'll svitch all his clozes to girly zings, give him really _really _long-lasting makeup, shave his chest and legs and arms, give him high heels, make him not able to buy new manly clozes. And take avay his Harley." Kurt said.

Kitty smiled evilly. "That's brilliant!"

"How do I disable someone telepathically?" Jean asked. Scott smacked his forehead.

"It could kill someone if you do it wrong. You focus on them, and sleeping really deeply, not waking up until you snap your fingers or stomp your foot or something. Though Logan has _really_ tough mental blocks. You'd have to wait until he's asleep and the blocks are down. Just don't kill him. I don't want to be charged with murder." Scott said. Jean nodded solemnly.

"When do we move out?" Evan asked.

"Now." Rogue said. "I'll go hide his clothes." She got up and left.

"I'll get my makeup." Kurt said, teleporting away.

"That's something I thought I'd never hear Kurt say." Jean said.

"Hey, I'm right here. Kitty said that." Kitty said.

"Yeah, I know, but . . . whatever. It's just weird hearing your body say that."

Kitty nodded.

Minutes later, Kurt had a death grip on the ceiling in a shadowy part of the room where Logan was dozing. His breathing pattern changed . . . time to move in. He crawled down the wall awkwardly and uncertainly.

"He's dead asleep." He said. The six teens rushed into the room. Jean screwed up her face in concentration. Logan fell into a comatose state. Evan anxiously felt for a pulse. He nodded and gave a thumbs-up. Rogue looked relived and started ripping Logan's boots off. The gruff instructor disappeared in a mass of students. A razor flashed, mascara was uncapped, high heels brandished.

The boys were clustered around Logan's head, braiding in extensions, doing makeup perfectly.

"Razor." Kurt held out a hand. Rogue handed him a razor and the water and shaving cream. Kurt shaved Logan's face, then arms, chest, and legs. "God, zis man is _hairy_."

"You said it." Evan said, not taking his eyes off of the eyeliner he was working on. Scott was doing one half of Logan's hair extensions, waiting for Kurt to do the other half.

Jean and Rogue were jamming Logan into a pair of man-sized skinny jeans, looking frustrated and incredulous that there were actually man-sized skinny jeans. Kitty halted the boys for a moment and fumblingly put a bra and Abercrombie shirt on him. Kurt paused for a moment and put fake silicone bra inserts in the bra, then went back to hair. The girls insensitively rammed Logan's feet into two-inch black pumps as the boys finished his hair and makeup.

"We need to prop him up near a mirror so we can do his hair properly—damn, we didn't shave his sideburns! Razor!" Scott said and took care of the sideburns quickly. After several minutes of labored work, they dragged the instructor to a full-length mirror, propped him up, and Evan put his hair up in an elegant feminine style.

They dusted their hands off, looking pleased at their work. Quickly, they retreated to good places to watch the reaction, and Jean woke the gruff man.

Instantly, they regretted it. It was like Hiroshima going off, sans radiation. Logan was incoherent except for "What the hell, what the hell!" He tried to push his claws out, but the series of rubber and braided floss bracelets the boys hand put on his forearms stopped him from doing that, and the numerous chunky rings the girls found helped too.

"_I'm a lady!_" he bellowed incredulously, ripping at his hair, which would not yield. Neither would his clothes, and certainly not his makeup.

"Dude look like a lady," Jean sang softly, Aerosmith's song "Dude Look Like a Lady". **[3]**

Logan looked furiously for the source of the song, but didn't see them until they stepped out.

"Now you know how _we_ feel. You know, the Constitution outlaws cruel and unusual punishment." Scott said very matter-of-factly. Logan snarled at him.

"Get this shit off me!"

"Language, Herr Logan." Kitty said, crossing her arms. Kurt bared his teeth in a smile, swishing his tail.

"Here's the deal. You get Professor X to change us all back, and we take . . . that . . . off you." Evan said, gaze raking Logan's body.

"You'll suffer your punishment full term!" Logan growled.

"Zen you vill too." Kurt said, frowning at Logan.

In the following face-off between the six kids and Logan, something in the universe exploded. Logan actually gave in. To save his pride.

"Alright, you little scheming brats." He growled. They looked victoriously to one another, dragging Logan down to the Professor, gleefully announcing he was renouncing his punishment, getting him to grudgingly agree. The Professor was, very professionally, restraining his laughter, but they could see it in his eyes. There was a small snigger behind them and a flash of white as Ororo ran for cover.

He changed all the X-Men back to their own bodies, cries of joy and relief from all them.

"Now get this off me!" Logan demanded. The kids obliged, giving him an outfit to change into and makeup remover, shoving him into a bathroom. When he reemerged in bikers' leathers, looking a thousand times happier, Kitty piped up.

"Oh, uh, your sideburns might take a while to grow back." She said rather timidly, raising her hand and pointing at his face.

"_YOU SHAVED MY SIDEBURNS?.! AAAAARRRGGH!_"

**[1] OOC, I know, but I **_**had**_** to.**

**[2] Sorry, I fail EPICALLY at Rogue's accent, so I'll be excluding it unless it's super-obvious.**

**[3] I don't know if this is an actual song, but I read an allusion to it in **_**Kristina**_** by (I think but doubt) GoldFox- no, not GoldFox, inficurzzy (sorry, super-botched spelling), no, no, no, it's by, wait, yeah, inuficcrzy. Funny, funny story! Recommended read, again.**

**Okay, so this chap wasn't really funny—it was about as funny as your mother's funeral. Not funny. Next chapter, I SWEAR will be hilarious! I just had to do this filler. Next chapter, you'll see, I promise. **


End file.
